Kamis, 24 November 2011

Too Bad

at the beginning,
I thought it will be fine only hear them, only see them
I thought it will be just another phase,
another phase that will be going through as the time passed by

Too bad
but now
here I am
seeing them in the dark ,
we're not even talk
I'm just seeing them,
literally seeing them and hear their deep breath
and suddenly I want to cry so badly
like really really bad
I miss them too much
yeah too bad

I never want to see them see me crying
I never know why
I just don't want them seeing the vulnerable side of me
no, it's not that actually
I just don't wanna make them worried
I've been making them worried about me like almost all their life
and how dare I do that again?

yeah,
I admit,
sometimes without any reason I cry,
yes, sometimes I did that if I remember the past
when everything seems so easy
when she drive me home everyday, nice and safely
we talk and cuddling in bed
nice and easy

but as time goes by
I realize it just couldn't be done anymore
the situation just separated us away

situation forced me to grow up
and I can't do anything about that
who I should blame?
me? them? or faith?

Blaming never solve any problem right,
so what should i do,
should I follow all the path that I've been through
yes, it seem easy at the beginning
but as time goes by,
this path is getting stronger and I don't know how to react

sometimes,
I wonder, what on earth I'm doing
like come on, I'm doing my final paper
like I keep asking myself
How old are you?
You shouldn't doing this,
this thing is much bigger than yourself

but,
it just not worth it to keep asking right

I even don't know what to say and what to do
how come they care so much about me
yes, I want to make them proud
yes, I never want to make them sad and worry

but then, the world is getting closer and closer
and I feel the clock is ticking louder than I expected

I don't want to be that girl
I just want to stay here,
to be their little girl again
to stay in bed watching cheesy program on tv
to laugh and mock one another everyday
to hugh them when I feel afraid after watching horror movies
I really want to, yes I do

I wondering do they also feel the same?
do they also suddenly cry when they're think of me?

I really want to say I miss both of you,
but I never dare to say that,
do you notice how my voice trembling sometimes?
or when I suddenly end the conversation?

it's not that I'm not missing you
it just I'm too afraid to tell how much I miss you
and how I keep crying after we have those long conversations

too bad
I keep it inside,

I still remember , one day you side
I'm not remember how come you grow up so faster
it seems you grow up by yourself

yes,
I start laughing
but really, I'm not laughing inside

really,
but at this point
I think it's enough to cry
I should come back to real life again
I wonder why time never have such a heart to wait

I'm deeply apologize for my miserable post
yeah,
do blame the distance
do blame the time

dear homesick,
please do go away,
there still million people out there
do choose someone else

not me
not now

too bad







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