H-36 days

okay,
I never believe I'll mention or talk about this thing,
like 3 months ago, I still thought
there's nothing wrong and bad about RETURNING

but here I am,
writing this thing out
too concerned about this idea

well, in short sentences
I'M NOT READY

no,
it's not I'm not happy about the idea of me going back home,
it's very relieving you know,
meeting your family and friends,
finally can eat something you've been wishing for these past 10 months
and so on
of course I'M HAPPY

but,
the idea of going back,
it's still frightening me after all

it's like i just walked out from my life,
and started to build my new life here,
and then now I need to go back again to my previous life,

of course, I'll always love my life,
it's ONE LIFE after all, there's no such thing as one life and other life,
there's only one journey in one life
OMG i dont even know what I'm trying to talk about

Anyway,
the thing is maybe I'm too afraid that everything changes
many things happened in one year you know,
how if my life was changed
of course, I know my family is not change after all,
I do contact them like every single day

but, how about the others?
how if I'm not really fit
and what I most afraid about was
how if I changed to something I don't like
how if I already change to someone I don't even know
HOW?

How if everyone changed to someone I don't even know anymore?
like Gothe said
"And now you just somebody that I used to know"
hahaha, ok maybe I messed this post right now

so,
as mature human being #yeah
I do realize that everyone change
i do change
my friends change
situations change

I hope I just have enough courage to accept all those changes
and make something better , much much better about that

hahaha
sorry for make this-so-not-important-post
it's been a while since i posted something on this blog
and i'm really craving for post one
hahahaa caoo

so, see u Indonesia!!